My Brain is Mush

Hey everyone. Long time no type.

I swear to everything holy and unholy alike, this year has started out with crazyness. Today is the first day that things have finally settled down enough to where I feel like I can finally think.

I went on vacation in January, to San Juan, Puerto Rico. I have to say that it was the worst vacation I have ever had. It wasn't bad in the sense that I didn't have a good time, it was bad in the sense that I was so uninspired to really *see* or *do* anything. In Europe, I am like the energizer bunny, you know? I want to go to museums and the pubs and chat with the locals and eat and drink and get laid if I can. In PR, I just kind of... wandered around. Did some shopping (bought some great stuff though), went jet skiing, went to a couple of bastilles... and hung out in my hotel room. Really. I think there was an entire 24 hour period that I didn't leave my room, period.

What WAS really cool though, was when we were visiting one bastille, St. Cristobal, a hunchback WHALE came to shore! It was so great! Of course, I pitched a fit because my fucking camera died, and so did my friend's camera that was with me, so I just had to commit the entire thing to memory. It was amazing. It cracked me up; the whale watched us watching him, and it made me wonder what he was thinking. Then the entire crowd attempted to speak whale to him... and I was sure he was unimpressed. Either that, or he was ignoring us. Or we were just making noise and not speaking whale at all... nah.

But hell hath descended when I returned to work. My previous boss was a knucklehead and had finally been fired. The new boss... wow. I did not like him from jump. I wanted to stab him at 'hello.'

There was something about him that just made me... antagonistic. There are people out there that just rub you the wrong way, but this dude didn't rub so much as body-checked. I knew that there would be difficult times ahead because we had a new boss walking into a messed up situation (the previous boss had been in his position for 8 years and literally did NOTHING that he was supposed to do), but he was such a dick about it! In our first staff meeting, he told us point blank that he had 'no problem firing us and replacing us with his people.' THAT pissed me off, fiercely! This guy was about to get fired from his previous job for doing shitty work (an employee's husband was working under him before he came to us), and he has the nerve to threaten us?! Oh no! Not even.

He wasn't joking either. He hired a few of his 'people' already... and let me say that I was not impressed. Lord, was I not impressed. Especially by his new charge nurse. She... yeah. Even her trainer told me I was better than her, and this chick has twenty years experience. I've only got eight! This nurse had also been fired as a manager from a dialysis facility for fraud! Fraud! Fraud, as a nurse? That's a career killer, let me tell you. But he hired this bitch, claiming she was awesome-fantastic. Yeah, that's exactly what I want as a charge nurse: someone who lies and manipulates the numbers to make her facility look good. Yeah, Medicare loves that shit.

Between him and his people, the facility has been turned upside down. I don't think I've ever seen so many tears shed by my coworkers. Everyone has been upset. He even falsely accused an employee of taking drugs, and when the drug test came out negative, did he at least apologize? NO! He actually sounded *depressed* that the test was negative. I was so pissed off that I decided, fuck it. If he wanted his people, he could have them.

Despite my distaste for it, I decided to be sneaky. While he was out of town I interviewed for another position and got it. Coming back into town and finding my transfer request all filled out and signed was something I was grateful for, because he pitched a fucking fit when he saw that I intended, and got approval, to leave. Why he thought I would take his shit I do not know. But I think he knew that I was better than his nurses, and that I wasn't going to be there to carry them. They're so awesome-fantastic, right? Let them carry themselves.

So tomorrow is my last day, but today was the last day I would see him. When I clocked out, the stress seemed to have lifted off of my shoulders, and I felt so relieved that I was finally done with the cocksucker. I wouldn't have to see him anymore. I won't have to hear his voice. I wouldn't have to be bothered with his superior attitude. I just felt at peace.

So now, I'm sitting on my couch typing this with my pillows and blankets surrounding me, happy as a clam. I start Monday at the new place, and it may not be any better. It may be just as shitty as what I left. Or, it could be awesome-fantastic. We'll see.

Well... what's been up with you guys?

Her Name is Primeiro

There is a beautiful moon tonight; it's yellow, full, and hazy. I love it when it's like that. For some reason, when the moon is yellow, full and hazy, it reminds me of being warm. Of snuggling in bed at night, safe. Unfortunately, my battery in my camera is dead, so I'm kind of annoyed that I can't take a picture. BUT, I don't have any curtains on my windows yet, so I have a clear view out. I love it.

So far things have been hard and exhausting, but my house has been worth every bit of it. I love coming home. I love HAVING a home to come home to. It's mine. I am so in love with my house, that this morning while cooking breakfast (for the first time in my brand new kitchen), I had burst into tears. Something that I had been striving for for the past three years has finally come to fruition. It was hard, but I would do it all again for what I have now.

So once again I don't have any furniture, very few clothes and even less money. I sleep on an air mattress and scuttle around my house like a damn ninja because I don't have any curtains on my windows and I refuse to put up newspaper. But I have a laptop, my internet, food, and Primeiro, my home. I'm alright. I'm more than alright.

Thank you, God.
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Oh God My Head...

I'm so sorry I have been absent for so long. Hopefully after this month things will get better.

First off, congrats are in order! My house is finally done, and I closed on April 2nd! Yay! I am now a homeowner! That's probably my only bit of good news.

I'm still currently living with my sister, as I do not have anything yet. I had the whole house painted, but now I have to get the security system online (today at 1pm), the fridge, washer and dryer delivered, the floors done, the blinds and curtains up, and then it'll be safe for me to move in. Unfortunately, I don't have any furniture, any dishes, any cleaning supplies... basically, I need EVERYTHING. I don't know if people really realize how much their stuff is worth when it's totaled up. The entire thing is so daunting to me, how much I need, how much it's going to cost, and how long it will take me to get everything I need and some of what I want. Not to mention we lost several people at work, so I'm back to putting in 60 hours a week, which makes scheduling deliveries and shopping for furniture nearly impossible. Yesterday, I was so frustrated that I nearly screamed. Instead, I chewed out an unfortunate salesperson at Sears for something that really wasn't her fault. (Sorry lady!)

But today is a new day. I have today off and took advantage of it by sleeping in. I feel much better this morning since I was able to do so, and am now ready to face the day with all the patience that I will need.
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    Linkin Park - Easier to Run
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Happy New Year everyone! I don't know what it is, but for some reason I feel as though this year is going to be wonderful. I feel excited and hopeful, and I am thrilled that I feel that way.

I wish the best for all of you, and may we all be blessed this year!
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(no subject)

Hello everyone. Happy Belated Thanksgiving!

I know it's been forever since anyone has heard from me, and I'm sorry about that. It has been nonstop for me everyday. For those that don't know, I left Virginia October 4th, and moved back to Texas. Since then I have worked 55+ hours a week because when I left VA, I had $700 in my account and bills to pay, once of which was a $400 car payment. I was BROKE. I moved in with my sister, and since then I've been doing really well. I have money put aside, I am working (hard) and I'm finally going to achieve what I've been striving for.

I'm going to have my own house.

I'm having it built, actually. Every house that I saw I absolutely hated, or knew that with the amount of work I'd have to do to it, it would be years before I had it where I wanted it. This way, by building, it will be what I want it to be in 4 months instead of 4 years.

Surprisingly, building a house is scaring me to death. I don't know if it's the commitment to this route, but my first feeling when I signed the contract was sheer terror. Every once in a while when I think about all that has to be done I feel like having a small heart attack. I first start with selecting the brick, wall colors, appliances, and floors. That doesn't sound like alot, but when I saw that they had over 50 brick samples and wall colors, 10 appliances, and all the options for the floors: tile, wood, carpet, concrete, and then the colors and textures for each of those options... I went cross-eyed. Then I thought further down the line, and when I thought about what it would take to furnish a 1900 square foot house... I had a mini-stroke.

Maybe if this wasn't my first house, I wouldn't be so anxious. And maybe once my sister and I go to the studio and really nail down my selections, then hopefully I will feel more excited. I truly hope so.

Momma Said There Would Be Days Like This...

When I woke up this morning, it never occurred to me that today would be the day that I would experience an earthquake.

For those that don't know, I live in Northern Virginia in the city of Fairfax. I live about 83 miles away from the epicenter of the earthquake, which seems to be Mineral, Virginia.

I was at work, out on the treatment floor getting ready to leave for the day. I was talking with a clinical manager in the secretary's office when the room started to shake. I thought for an instant--an instant!-- that it was a large truck. Right after that thought crossed my mind, the shaking cranked up in intensity and I knew right then that we were having an earthquake.

With my heart pounding, I ran out to the treatment area where the patients' were. The staff and I stood near the patients to protect them from falling debris as the clinical manager went to the glass door to see what was going on. (Which, thinking back wasn't a good idea.) I have to say that I was very proud of the patients--nobody screamed, cried, or fainted. Everyone was calm, but one patient was sitting up and ready to rip her needles out if need be. I had a special eye on her. That was all we needed was to have a patient bleed to death because she was escaping an earthquake.

Roughly 15 seconds later the shaking stopped. Everyone stood still for a moment, waiting to see if an aftershock would follow. It didn't. So the clinical manager and I went through the different areas of the building, as well as checking for gas leaks and anything else that would signify the structure was unsound. Thankfully, we were sound.

I stayed another hour and a half before I decided 'the hell with this' and came home. It's just so odd! I expect this from the West Coast, not Virginia! I guess anything can happen anywhere, yeah?

I think what I will remember the most was the way my heart was pounding. I'll be honest: I wanted to run away, to run to safety. I still ran out onto the treatment floor and saw how confused, frightented, and how helpless the patients were. They are chained, in a way, to their dialysis machines. I remember thinking to myself, 'You're a nurse. It's your duty to protect them!' So instead of running away, I stood my ground (as best as I could since it wouldn't stop moving) with the other staff and kept the patients safe. 

The earthquake only lasted 15 seconds, but it was the most terrifying 15 seconds of my life. I don't ever, ever want to experience this again.

My Skin Looks Gross... But It Was Worth It!

Sorry everyone! I intended to post the last chapters of BiS last week, but I ran out of time because I had to leave town for my cruise!!!

Some very good friends of mine that I haven't seen in FOREVER were getting married on the beach of Cozumel. Beautiful wedding. Even more awesome, the entire thing was with the cruise line Carnival. I was on the Carnival Ecstacy. We sailed out of Galveston, Texas to Progresso, Yucatan, Mexico to Cozumel, Mexico and back. Another couple of friends of mine that I haven't seen in forever went as well, and we all had a fabulous time. I have the sunburns and stories to prove it!

Just got back two and a half hours ago. It's been a long day getting back to Virginia. So I need to have din-din (as my niece says) and unpack. Ugh... I got too much crap.

Oh yeah. I'll pose the remaining chapters some time this week!

Not Sure What To Think Or Feel...

Feel odd right now.

I have already made the decision that before the end of this year I'm leaving Virginia. I refuse to tolerate the bullshit here anymore. I have also had it with the bullshit with my job. These last couple of weeks have been terrible. I have never been so emotionally distraught over a job since I became a nurse. Pissed and furious, yes. But this bullshit has kept me up at night. 

Two weeks ago a complaint was issued against me. I was furious because they went straight to the area manager with the problem instead of going through the proper channels. Well, my boss was then forced to personally come and supervise me until she felt that I was doing what I was supposed to be doing. Luckily, she didn't find any fault with what I was doing and left me alone after a couple of hours. She then went to the compliant to report what she found.

Unfortunately for all involved, I knew who complained against me and confronted them. (Which, thinking back was probably a bad idea). Anyway, it turns out that they don't have a problem with me, but with my boss and the way my boss insists on making things difficult for them. My boss never contacted me and let me know this, leaving me to believe that it was something I was doing/not doing that was causing the issue. Now, it is very possible that this person is blowing smoke up my ass. I decided to just let the shit go and focus on my job... until today. 

I am having to do something I really do not want to do, and am frankly furious about. It's bullshit basically. The argument between my boss and I unfortunately degenerated into a 'you will do this or be written up.' So, I told my boss that 'I understand' but I still haven't decided what to do. I am calm now, but I am feeling something I do not quite understand. I feel... numb? That's not a feeling I'm familiar with. Anyway, I feel like I'm in this kind of limbo where I could give a shit if I do, give a shit if I don't. I was going to quit anyway, but quitting now may not make life easier for me. Plus I feel like I'm being childish. That 'since you're making me I'm quitting.' I don't want to be childish.

Hmm. I'll think about it this weekend. See how I feel.

My Newest Obsession: D. Gray-Man


To say I am in love is putting it lightly. To say that I am ENTHRALLED is more accurate. Hell, I get up in the morning thinking about D. Gray. I go to bed thinking about D. Gray.

It has been so long since a series has grabbed me by the balls the way this has. I don't know what it is either. I just feel that the idea, the series, the characters... it's all fantastic! My eyeballs were ready to fall out of my head, they were so dry from staring at the computer. I didn't want to blink in case I missed something. This is now my most favorite series ever, which totally blows me away. (Believe it or not, my favorite series ever was Trigun).

What makes D. Gray so great for me is one character in particular--Lavi.

I love the living shit outta Lavi. He's gorgeous. I love his red hair, I love that he has an eye patch, I love his hammer, and I love whoever his dubbed voice actor is. That's unusual too for me. I tend to favor the Japanese actors much more than the dubs, but in this case I feel the dub was perfect.

I'm already trying to figure out how the hell to get Lavi into the Running With The Moon series. I would love to leave him as an Exorcist, but that may not be possible. At best, an Exorcist, at worse, an elf. *crackles evilly* Oh yeah, I'm going to enjoy this...

Oh yeah! Thanks Hamiechi for the suggestions! I can't wait to get to them!
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    Lavi's Voice
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The Bad, The Really Bad, and the Ugly

 Hello everyone! Happy New Year! 2011!

Today I can finally celebrate. Since the day before New Years, I have been terribly sick. It was a cold of some kind, but it was the worse I have been sick in years. My goodness. Have you ever been so sick you wished for death? Yeah, I was there and then some. I was even kicked out of work because I was a danger to my patients. I missed all last week, and so far it's been a bitch to catch up.

So, while I was on my forced sick-leave, I decided to get Netflix. I saw the anime section they had and jumped right on it... much to my dismay. I have to talk about these shows because I just don't know what else to do.

Queen's Blade

Fucking hell. Now, I don't have a problem with yuri. It's not my cup of tea, but I don't mind it. However, this show took it to a level that was nauseating. It was just SO in your face, literally! It took me damn near a day to watch the first episode because the fanservice was too much! And it's not just that it's too much, it's also pointless. Was that ass shot really necessary? Must she not have a shirt? Does that character realize her sister wants to fuck her? Oh, she does realize! Why does that not seem to bother her, or anyone else for that matter? I just couldn't take it.

What really pisses me off about the show is that I love the concept. Basically, every four years a tournament called the Queen's Blade is held. Women from all over the world, whatever their station, can compete in order to become queen. The requirement is, is that the competitor has to be beautiful and has to be a skilled fighter. And believe me, these bitches can fight! The fight scenes are great! But you can best believe that during the fight someone's tit falls out... someone skirts falls apart... oh no, both now have to fight naked... in the mud.

This was another frustrating one, because it started off verrrryyy good. I was SO into this, which was surprising for me because it is a sci-fi series, but the plot is very much Lord of the Flies. (One of the few books I read in school that I completely hated). Regardless, the characters were interesting and the animation was beautiful. But then, around the fifth episode shit just got strange. Yes, it's sci-fi, but the shit was strange even for sci-fi. It just went off on a tangent that I couldn't follow, and in the end I was left with a sense of irritation and confusion.

This was the complete opposite of Queen's Blade. The main character, Thor, is gorgeous, and it's very obvious that everyone who crosses his path wants to ravish him. But they don't! I counted, I think, six or seven MALE characters that told him to his face he was beautiful, and instead of throwing his ass down and having their wicked way with him, they dance around it. In this series, I felt that some sexual resolution would have been best, because the way it teased did not entice the audience. Instead, it annoyed. This dude was the @$%&-blocker extraordinaire.

Let's not forget to mention that the women in this world are held in high regard because they can have children. So of course there was that one character that kept harping on about having Thor's kids. It drove me up the wall, especially sense I really liked her in spite of her harping.

In the end, the series just had too many plot holes and unresolved threads. What a waste.

Fruits Basket

Fruits Basket was the only thing that saved my sanity. I have always heard how good this series was, I just never took the time to settle down and watch it. I absolutely love it.

This show has everything. It's funny, (boy, is it funny), it has some angst, some drama, some sweetness, hope, strength of character, a touch of shounen ai... I could go on. Plus I felt that the concept was so original! By hugging a member of the opposite sex one would turn into their zodiac?! Hilarious and brilliant!

It broke my heart when I finished, because I wanted to see what the next adventure entailed. What if they went on a trip out of the country, like on a cruise? What kind of hijinks would they get into then? What about going off to college? To a wedding? What if someone kidnapped one of them? The craziness of getting them back would be enough to last another season! 

Well, that's all for now. I'm still working my way through D. Gray-Man, Full Metal! Panic, Sengoku Basara, Darker than Black, and who the hell knows what else. Plus, I still have to get my hands on other classics, like Neon Genesis Evangelion and Akira.

That's it for me!
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    Opening credits to KenIchi:The Mightiest Disciple
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